Marriage and Leadership

I recently spent two days in a marriage therapy intensive with my husband. I didn't expect it to give me my next best insight about leadership.

After 23 years of marriage, we were teetering. We had reached an inflection point in our relationship, and we knew that we needed to call on outside support to move forward together. 

Engaging in these conversations with my husband and our marriage therapist was uncomfortable, difficult work. We showed up anyway – with courage, vulnerability, and compassion. 

But, here’s what caught me off guard.

The tools our therapist gave us weren't new: they were the exact same ones I watch leaders and teams wrestle with every day in my workshops, offsites, and coaching.

• Replacing judgment with curiosity.

• Recognizing anger as hurt in disguise.

• Responding to someone’s hurt rather than defending what you meant to say. 

These are not “extra” skills to sprinkle on top of a well-run team. The ability to engage in difficult conversations like these is the craft itself. It’s the difference between a team that can move through challenging moments, versus one that quietly avoids them.

I was humbled to re-learn these tools in a context I wasn't expecting. I walked out even more convinced they're some of the most important skills in our personal relationships, as well as in leadership development and team building. 

To me, this image is representative of our decision to face our challenges head-on, and most importantly, together – as a team.