How do you become braver?
I have always been someone who loves trying new things. That’s just who I am. I like adventures and new experiences. But what do you do if you’re not like that? What if you are someone who loves the familiar? Craves routine? Fears the unknown? Here are a few simple things you can try to stretch yourself out of your comfort zone and into experiences that might enrich your life.
First of all, I chose a photo of a springboard diver because it’s an example of a time in my life that I was brave. I was a freshman in college and met two guys who were on the diving team. Having grown up in Southern California, I loved messing around on diving boards. I could do front and back flips and twists, but that was about it. When I told these guys I had always wanted to learn to dive, they encouraged me to go talk to the coach. So I did. He asked whether I had ever done gymnastics, asked me to touch my toes, and then proposed that I train for the next two months with his “Age Groupers,” aka, 7-17 year olds who practiced with him in the evenings. So I did. I trained for two solid months with them and learned my full diving list. And he took me on the team. And just like that, I walked onto a Division 1 Swimming and Diving Team. Because I was curious. I was excited. I wanted to learn. Was I scared? Of course! Did it seem crazy? Yes. Did I smack the water more times than I can count? You bet I did. But I knew deep down inside that I was athletic enough to learn, and the coach (shout out to, Michael Kennedy) was amazing. He believed in me and gave me a chance.
I share this story because I learned a lot from that experience (and many others) about being brave. Here are some tips I have for you to start becoming braver.
Physically go to the place you’re curious (and maybe fearful) about. I was curious about diving, so I walked down to the pool. Being there physically made it real, made it easier to imagine (and not as scary as it could have been in my mind), and put me in proximity with the coach, who turned out to be super welcoming, reassuring, and friendly (and is to this day a dear friend). Thinking about an art class? Go check out the studio. Thinking about a new job? Go see the place where they’re hiring. Want to learn to be a better public speaker? Find a local stage and sit in front of it. Our library has a great one. Even go watch a speaker there. Physically putting yourself in the space you may fear will help you embrace it.
Remind yourself that you’re in “life school". None of us is born knowing much. Everything we become in our lives is due to having learned something- whether how to speak your first words, how to walk then run, or how to solve a multi-variable equation; you weren’t born knowing how to do it. But somehow, as we get older, we petrify a little (petrify can mean both to harden up and get stiff, like a fossil, or to terrify- funny double meaning here). We tell ourselves all kinds of things- like we should know how to do that by now, that it’s too late, that we’re not capable enough to learn, or that it’s way out of our reach. So what if you approached a new situation more like a student of life? Hey- this is Life School, and we’re all constantly learning. This week I learned that I don’t like Body Pump. I had done it 10 years ago, and tried it again today. It’s too dang repetitive not to mention hard. So I won’t be choosing that class again. Whatever it is you may be afraid of, approach it like a student- with curiosity, patience, and a generous dose of self-love and compassion. Nervous to speak up at a social gathering? Come in armed with one question: “What do you like to do in your free time?” And see how it goes. No matter how the conversation goes, you had the courage to come up with a question and ask it! That’s progress! With a growth mindset, you will start seeing opportunities to be a student of life.
Celebrate your wins! What you appreciate appreciates. If you make a little progress in the bravery category, celebrate that! Give yourself kudos. Don’t compare yourself to other people and in turn diminish your accomplishment. Compare you to you. Was that brave for YOU? Then celebrate it! You will know if you stretched. Give yourself a pat on the back. Write it down. Look in the mirror and say, “You’re a badass!” All of this celebration will increase your courage and confidence to keep going.
Make friends with your fear. Fear is normal! All those people out there who look totally confident and like they have it all together? They’re scared inside. Last week I presented at a big conference for CEO’s. I crushed my hour on stage. People loved it. Was I scared? Heck yes! I was incredibly nervous going up there and facilitating for an hour. Once I got started, it got a little easier, but I was totally nervous. Could the audience tell? Nope. I just brought my fear with me, knowing it was a trusty companion. Fear brings adrenaline (which I channeled into high energy), a desire to do well (which I used to practice the night before with a friend- shout out to Shenna Fitzgerald), and a heightened awareness (I read the room, sensed the energy, and played off the audience). If you feel some fear, that’s good. It means your alive. It’s not a sign that you shouldn’t do it. Feel the fear, bring it along, and do it anyway. If the fear is so overwhelming that it’s paralyzing, you’re probably biting off too much. See #5.
Start SMALL! Baby steps, people. It’s no mistake we hear this all the time. If you haven’t read Atomic Habits by James Clear, it’s a great one. In his book, he suggests that to work up to working out, you literally start by taking your gym shoes out one day. Next day, put them on. That’s it. Put them on. No gym in sight! You’re just taking tiny steps to get closer to your goals. What’s the smallest step you could take towards something you fear? Start there. Scared to speak up at a meeting? Start by writing down your idea and not showing it to anyone. Scared to try pickleball? Go to your local courts and watch people play, maybe from a distance even (not in a creepy way, just in a casual I happen to be walking by slowly curious kind of way). Starting small will start stacking the wins and give you the courage to take the next small step.
Why would you want to get braver? Because on the other side of your fear is a whole world! On the other side of your fear await fun, connection, love, companionship, flavor, beauty, excitement, satisfaction, adrenaline, joy, wonder, and so much more. Stepping into new things brings us back to life and helps us connect with the miracle of being alive. So go for it. What’s one thing you can do this week to get a little bit braver?
